What’s one positive trait you’ve gained because of BPD?
14.06.2025 00:01
I ended up cooking for her, and bringing her eveywhere with us.
My only sister also couldn,t make her life work.
5 of us kids, and it wasn’t a big house.
What caused the Democratic Party's 2024 presidential campaign to implode so horrifically?
.I left my 2 sons and my husband to do it. Instead of spending the day with them
Was to survive, this bastard.
Because huge Trauma like mine is alive.
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I don,t even have a pension.
I had offered the whole expense of the holiday to her, free.
As she had lost her son ,to fatty liver disease!
Im dying but, im not bitter.
I waited trembling.
But im an empath, and i help lots of people.
I had many talking therapys , but they just don,t work.
Especially a lifetime of it.
Although we always gave her a kiss on the cheek. She would shrink away from it!
How do you identify a woman player?
So i became my fathers slave and he hated me the most.
But, we were locked up after school.
And as runt ,of the litter .Which of course, i actually was!
I am 13 and I am planning to run away. What should I do to succeed?
Where the ultimate outsiders.
And i lived it daily.
She died young (from the stress and abuse of Big T Trauma) of liver cancer!
She was deluded, and thought she could stay on for the reminder of the holiday!
But i am married 43 years to my husband this July !
Stress hormones Adrenaline and Cortosol ,would have flooded my brain, and they never left it!!!!
What is the cost of implementing synchronized traffic lights in a mid-sized city?
Insight, and i can spot a wrongin from 3 miles away.
With Catholic nuns and Church on Sundays.
He’d sit me down, and stand behind the chair, Then he’d make a great show of his beauty (the chesil )and place it behind my neck ,at the base!
I will be 64.
I did it because my mum asked me too!
My place (mostly )was the coal hole..it was a small room heaped with coal .
What is it like to use a Fleshlight?
But i went to school ,and was locked up evey evening , until he was off out on a bender..then mum would set us free, and we,d be bouncing off the walls,
Comes on , in middle age.
Thats was my nicest nick name for him
When he wanted one of his lessons to be taught!
The only rule us 5 kids had .
I was very sick at this time too.
At this time i had honed my heart to the same, as that of a lion and i knew i wouldn’t beg or cry ,nor plead.
I had hoped to write a book about this .
I was scared of men, in general
Put me off passion for life!!
Rather to engertic for me ,with my terrible health, but i was left to run the house, it was a Cottage in Dorset.
I wasn’t taught any boundries, our home ,was like any war zone , and Dad told us, he had bodies buried, under the floor boards.
And when you live in a life , of being terrified, and shocked, and permantly stressed; especially as a child born in to all this .
She died at 55 of colon cancer.
Would this be the day?
Took her away on holiday ,with us, my 2 pugs her dog, a Jack Russell.
My dad was a alcholic psychopath, and violent in the extreme.
This is soul school!.
His abuse (his own) began at 2 years of age. His mothers friend, sexually abused him, from the age of 2.
But my sister and my other 3 brothers wouldn’t have come near him every again!
I only knew my twisted world , and there, is no choice for a child but to live in it. Or Die in it!
She was in good health!
He call us down, from where ever he stashed each one of us ,that day ! We were kept seperate.!
One cannot live in the past .
I did write a poem about him though, and my mum.
He said i reminded him of an old aunt ,who used to beat him, and when the menapause came, she was placed in a mental home and never was released ,until she died.
He’d bring us out ,and we would form the position .
Youll pack your bags and leave Dorset.
Thats being isolated in a house, locked up as a child .We never saw any people except in School and we had no relatives in Liverpool!
Also my liver and lungs are fatally diseased!
Do all the shopping, and cooking and look after all the dogs.
The coal was sharp, and i usually had no underware! So my bare arse ,was cut and rossened on the coal..
When she asked me how she looked .
Trauma lives in the body, as ive explained, but it actually this that kills you in the end.
(And it was in our own minds.)
This is how, and why children get BPD.
And, all my friends down the years ,where users.
And ive living now since 2005, on disablement .(Which is a pittance)
The only way to get rid of it forgood ,is sommence therapy,
But it has taught me many things other people will , never know!
Anyway ,i could never hold on to a relationship.
She wouldn,t have been !
As i do to all so called friends.?
He took out the hammer, and explained again, how the smallest tap ,of this hammer would kill me in a second.
I only stopped writing poetry recently, because , of my brain tumor
We wern’t close any more, the family fractured, after my Mothers death, and seeing me annoyed them ,as i was the familys scapegoat..
So he went home with my mum to her 2 other children.
Another so called friend had bit the dust..
Im still living with it.
And as she herself ,wasn’t kissed or touched as a child.
Those are used to try and block the pain, like that of my life out..
He weighed in at 5 lbs .I was the second born, and i weighed 3 and a half pounds.
I was the most vunerable of my siblings. I was born small ,and was sickly ,and of course none of us could ever thrive!
As his daughter ,he didn’t even think I wouldn,t do it. (Look after him)
He had many friends, who didn,t know the home devil he was, for his sake ,i never enlighted them either.
He did pay me though, i made him (.After i’d trudged miles to get his pension ) Before ,it all was gone, over the pubs counter!
It was going to be , some day.
Anyway, i told my husband ,and he was gobsmacked.
And i know him well ,and every thing about him. This relationship, is the only real one iIve been able to keep!
She found it foreign!.
As is all addictions, people can’t leave off.
I write beautiful poetry .
But people really die of the Big T Trauma!!
We were not on the streets..
Its mostly always from childhood abuse .
My twin will have involuntary pissed himself, but not me at least not, that day!
Why did i forgive my father ?
She said her life with him ,was love, and spoke to me of all the passion, it had brought her.
I have no regrets .
I do have abandomment issues but they come from being left alone ,without my mum, or any of my family in a incubator for 4 months.
We didn’t no it wasn;t normal life..we were isolated, and taken from Dublin in Ireland ,where our whole mothers family lived , to Liverpool in England!
He was dying to do it , i knew.
He was a brick layer (when he worked at all) and he carried his tools around ,hanging from a money belt.
But im dying ,and its too late for me.
My mother wasn’t a tactile women ..only as babes could she touch us. After we grew ,she couldn,t touch any of us.
That life, was meant to be , as the world teaches us great lessons, and leaves us many gifts.
We all went to grammer schools
I couldn’t, believe it.
One was a lump hammer, another was a iron chisel.
I might have to go back 30 generations or more..
It comes from Big T Trauma and is no fault of anyone who has it.
Im constanly in a state of FLIGHT or FIGHT my whole life
I was seconnd youngest,
One of his many names for me was Runt .He like that it rhymed with (well you know)
Her first husband, had been a gay man ,and he was a lovely person.
Because , i didnt have the heart to hurt my friend.!.
Im kind ,and give many things, inc money ,to any of persons in need. I have a groups of homeless beggars ..i help out daily. They all know me by name!
She loved him until the end.
He said i’d end up like her, and he laughed his big rolicking bear of a laugh!
And who doesn’t know suffering?
I never cut or harmed myself..
Im a true spealist, because i study it for years .And i still do..
You’d think that being brought up for so long, in those terrible circumsatances ,i would know the ways of people ,and the world, but i wasn,t in , nor of the world .
Being very nice and never wanting to say the wrong thing.
Then he’ d take out his beloved lump hammer ,show it to the kids.
I of course replied” arh beautiful!
I think the readers, may guess!
I was 9 years of age.
Yes, a stroke or heart attack is the reason on your death certificate.
And don,t forget my 4 months alone, in the incubator. Knowing my brother in the womb and my mother voice .The baby knows she’s alone!
BPD only comes to a person who has suffered childhood trauma.
Everytime, i saw a chronically ill person in middle years.
I worked then as a chef ,and a very good one.
A line in front of him, from the eldest to the youngest.
I could never make a relationship work though!
They look at me amazed ,and ask me how i could possibly know it?
I immediatly know and see what their chidhood was. I tell them you had a awful time in childhood.
Its a big thing in the States for the last 25 years.
But ive been too sick for many years..
He isn,t a very sexual person at the best of times!
19 years ,i spent with dear old papa.
But he said ,he was sick of her anyway ,and only put up with her as i had a friend ,and seemed to be happy.
I got to know the terrible awful childhood, he had himself. And his Jolly Pub Persona.
She stayed with him because she thought he,d grow out of it. He didn’t of course!
I let him have the joy of his friends( that i would never know myself.!)
We born here on earth , for the soul to learn , the contrast, of heaven.
His mum and dad ,were Alcoholics!
She got all dolled up, but it looked as she was dressed up to play the part of , Florence Nightingale ,as she descended down the cottage stairs ,like a Queen.
And if you hold on to hate you only die inside yourself,!
Who then, do I blame.?
He resisted the act ,that day.
They are buried together, in the same grave..
I am a twin , my twin is a boy called Alan. I had a sister and 2 other brothers
As i said though i will be 64 on my last birthday!
I forgave my father, and i took care of him ,until his death in 1999..my mum left us on the 29th Jan 1998.
Ther’s very good reasons why i was left alone.
Why do we forgive? Because if we don,t
Its like, taking poison, and hoping the other person will die.
The apprentership one gets in Extreme Big T Trauma childhood is insight and extreme awarness.
Due to the real legacy of trauma (B.P.D)
She married twice! .
Ive learnt so much.
I was writing from the time i was a small child.
The same beautiful brown eyes my mother loved so much!
One cannot hold on to bitterness.
I suffer greatly, because of BPD..
Then later on when my husband had gone to the bar..she started telling me, that they where having a affair, and that he loved her much more then me ,and other loads of visious lies.
I was grabbed out of my mother hung upside down, and rushed up to the prenatal ward, to spend 4 mths alone, with, only medical staff.
What did i know ?
Mine was extreme ,and lasted 19 years
I forgave my father,, and in those years i cleaned and looked after him .
For him, I cleaned and cooked and shopped, and spent the whole day, doing a weeks work) in the only day off, i had, besides Sunday.)
But there where , these other acts only us 2 girls, would receive, (When id have rather had his lump hammer , and chisel.).
It will be my last birthday ,as im dying of a brain tumor and 8 other autoimune diseases.
My mum and dad in the seventies!
My life is so biszare .
All the time i was locked up.
Even in the coal hole, i said the lines in my head..
You don’ t get a state one here , in England ? until your at least 67 yrs old ! Im 63.
So whats the point in blame.
Although he,d calmed down a bit ..he still shouted his orders at me and thought , my older sister would be better at the job..
She was a women, a mother with her own children!.
Your thinking ,but those kids would have been street wise?
He knew the spot.
We could never speak unless he spoke to us!
As i gave and gave ,everything to people, they began to use me.
I said to her
Why ? because Trauma depletes the immune system.you get terribley ill , with chronic disease from all the horror ,and stress of it.
One women pretended to my husband she wanted to see me for coffee ,and make friends.
But it wasn’t much.
I know ,a lot about trauma.
But im a psyci anyway, and i read energy and people, .
Like some twisted love , they where addicted to each other
My familys so full of ancestral BIG T Trauma.
Trauma never leaves you! Its actually lives in the fashia ,of the body .The connective tissue.
We were all going out this night to a fancy resteraunt.
On the 31st of Jan this month .
So, i spoilt her more .
My family never makes their pension either.
I watched his eyes light up and his twisted smile rejoice, in his joy of it all.